Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
