i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
