I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
