Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
