No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
