Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Randomize
