OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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