Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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