also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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