Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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