Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize