HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize