Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
