she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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