Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
