guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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