just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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