Dual....:-)
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
