Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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