at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
