Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
