It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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