He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
