You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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