Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize