You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
