I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
