He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
