Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
