i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Enjoy the penises
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
