My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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