Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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