dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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