Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
