How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
