jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
