she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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