Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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