Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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