I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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