i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
