I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
