Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
