I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
