Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
