We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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