i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
