i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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