My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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