Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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