Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
