Whod you bang
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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