the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
