Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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