i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
