I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
