I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my liver is dry heaving
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
