Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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