At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nutella sex= disaster
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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