You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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