I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
