walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
