remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
