no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
