It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
