Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
