how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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