Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
