You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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