I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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