I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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