What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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