When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
