Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
